Brain Dead Boy Makes a Citizen's Arrest

Brain-Dead Boy

Adventure 1

"AHEM", Brain-Dead Boy clears his throat loudly as the burglar steps to teller three.

"This is it", thinks Brain-Dead Boy. "I'll perform a citizens arrest. The bank's money will be saved. The bank president will probably give me a big reward, and the teller," he glances at the name plate at the front of her window , "Miss Next, will fall in love with me."

"Look, Lady", hisses the robber staring intently at teller three, who has just raised her eyes from the checks she was sorting. "I got..."

"AHEM", Brain-Dead Boy clears his throat again more loudly. This announcement of citizens arrest should be in a deep, powerful voice. The kind of voice that commands armies and makes bank robbers quail.

The robber glances over at Brain-Dead Boy, scowls in a menacing way, and turns back to the teller. "Look", he continues, "I got this gun..."

"AHEM," Brain-Dead Boy clears his throat one last time for his deep, forceful announcement. "I believe", he squeeks.

The robber turns and glares at Brain-Dead Boy again, then continues talking to Miss Next. "This gun... " he whispers, "I got this gun, and I want..."

"Ahem, I mean," a bit deeper but not authoritative enough. Brain-Dead Boy thinks of John Wayne, and drawls in a quavery tenor, "This here is a..."

"I want all your small bills, and no funny business with alarms", the robber interrupts Brain-Dead Boy's announcement.

Miss Next looks wide eyed at the robber, her lovely lips quivering, as she whispers back "I don't have any bills at this window. I'm just sorting checks. Try the next window."

Brain-Dead Boy takes a big breath. "This is a Citizen's Arrest. I'm arresting you for trying to rob the Littel Trust..."

The robber turns to face Brain-Dead Boy, looks him up and down and says quietly, "Stuff it, Clown." He turns back to Miss Next, and repeats "I got this gun. I want your money. All the small bills." He pauses, as if to think for a moment. "Or else," he adds as an afterthought.

"But, this window is closed." She points at the sign in front of her that reads "Next", with an arrow pointing toward the tall brunette. "You really need to go to another teller."

The robber glances to the tall brunette who smiles sweetly at him. There are 5 people in line waiting.

"I don't got time to stand in that line! My car is double parked. Give me anything you've got there, and make it snappy."

Brain-Dead Boy clears his throat one last time, steps up behind to the robber , and taps him on the shoulder. "I mean to say, that is, this is a citizen's arrest. You are under a citizen's arrest. Like, Now, I mean," he quavers.

The robber stands almost 4 inches taller than Brain-Dead Boy. Slowly he turns to look at Brain-Dead Boy glaring down the purple nose of his ski mask at him.

"Look", he says, "I got this gun, and I'm going to rob this bank. I just bought this gun yesterday, and I'm damn well going to use it. Now will you Please shut up and let me get on with this?"

While the robber is facing Brain-Dead Boy, the teller, who is perhaps not named Miss Next after all, is vigorously pressing a button on the underside of the counter. Within seconds, a door at the back of the bank opens, and a bald head appears, takes a quick survey of the lobby, and vanishes even more quickly than it appeared.